Why are some people highly sensitive to social interactions and energies? Why are others not so sensitive?

Why might one person be extremely confident and straight-forward seeing only black-and-white options, while someone else is more emotional or given to appreciating life’s complexities?

These differences between people are often sources of conflict. How many times do I hear people labelled over-emotional, a social retard, or too black and white? In interpersonal interactions, often a great deal of misunderstanding comes from the fact that all of us have a unique way of being in the world. To have greater peace in our social interactions, it’s worth taking a minute to reframe how we understand these differences.

The German philosopher Martin Heidegger came up with the concept of “Da-Sein” (being there / being in the world). His idea is actually pretty simple – each creature has its own unique way of being-in-the-world or Da-Sein. This way of being conditions the possibilities we understand for ourselves and for the objects, people, and situations we meet.

Take a tree for example. If I’m a dog, I’ll understand a tree as something to sniff or to pee on. If I’m a squirrel, I see a tree as something to climb on or as a source of food (if it grows acorns or chestnuts). If I’m a bird I might build a nest. If I’m a cat I might see the tree as an insurance policy in case of a dog emergency.

As a human being, I probably see the most options. I understand the tree through its uses to me. The tree can provide shade for me in summer, or heat in the form of wood for me in winter. I also understand that the tree was used for other animals: the dog sniffs the tree, the bird uses it as a house and so on.

But even though as a human I am able to understand these different uses, I won’t pee on the tree or smell it as a dog would. I probably don’t know what an acorn tastes like.

The point of this when applied to human behaviour is just this: in a certain way we are all trapped in our own Da-Sein. That is, we have our own unique experience of the world. Some of us are highly attuned to personal interactions, making us aware of the feelings of others, of their motivations, and of their character. Others are more perceptive when it comes to music, able to pick out the role of each instrument in a piece of music. Others are hyper-aware of smells, noises, or cleanliness, order, or structure. Others prefer lack of structure or less-orderly environments.

The point is that because we are all wired in a slightly different way, our experiences and perceptions of what we encounter is different.

In the same way, as you wouldn’t scold a dog for peeing on a tree trunk, or a bird from building a nest, you should probably avoid judging others because their Da Sein is slightly different from yours.
That being said, the tricky part can come when you share space or responsibilities with someone who has a different perception of yours. As a guideline here I would propose Jean-Paul Sartre’s phrase: “My liberty stops where the liberty of another commences.”

Don’t be peeing on your neighbour’s tree, in other words!

But the next time you’re having trouble being tolerant of another person’s way of seeing or being, remember that their Da Sein is probably a bit different from yours!


All-knowing Wikipedia tells us that a Pyhrric Victory is “a victory with such a devastating cost that it carries the implication that another such victory will ultimately lead to defeat. Someone who wins a “Pyrrhic victory” has been victorious in some way; however, the heavy toll negates any sense of achievement or profit.”

The phrase derives from the story of King Pyhrris who, in a particular battle with the Romans, lost so many men that his victory ultimately spelled defeat. The Romans lost more men than did Pyhrris, but because they had a much larger supply of soldiers and weapons, Pyhrris’ losses meant that he would be unable to fight another battle. The Romans had effectively won by making him unable to beat them again. The seeds of defeat were sowed in the way King Pyhrris fought and won his battle.

When deciding whether to wage a particular war on an issue, it makes sense to watch out for the seeds of Pyhrric Victory. This is true especially in dealings between people. Think how divorce lawyers end up walking away with a couple’s savings, or how a business feud can result in one side “being right” while losing the goodwill necessary for continuing profitable relations with a client or partner.

It doesn’t hurt, of course, that someone waged one such war on me this week at work.
I suppose my consolation is being on the Roman side in the end. I will live to fight another day, while my (now) adversary shot herself in the foot so badly to spite me that she will have trouble walking.

My question, I suppose, to King Pyhrris if he were still among us would be: why? Knowing that the price of a victory is ultimately defeating, why fight in the first place? What use are the efforts and metaphorical lives lost, when the outcome is fairly clear from the start?

I wonder: would there be a case over which I would fight such a war knowingly?
Tonight’s food for thought.



I often wonder how to handle the less pleasant people, situations, and things that come into my life. Knowing how to deal with life’s little annoyances is key to maintaining balance.

My good friend, psychologist and Mindfulness coach Joe Flanders sent me the following article of his on the topic.

 He calls it the life-as-a-bus-metaphor.

“Imagine that you are the driver of a bus (the bus of your life). Whenever you have an experience, passengers get on the bus, whether you like it or not. Some are pleasant, some are unpleasant. You may want the pleasant ones to sit in front and the unpleasant ones to go to the back and remain quite, but it rarely pans out that way.

Sometimes, when you choose to drive toward what’s important to you, some of the unpleasant passengers become upset; they come up to the front and start demanding that you change course.

You can argue with them, but they usually fight back even stronger and the conflict escalates. In the meantime, the bus isn’t moving.

Alternatively, you can give in to their demands and go their way, so they calm down. But now, the unpleasant passengers control the direction of the bus. As soon as you try to head back in the direction that’s important to you, they attack you again, and so on.

Lastly, you can notice all the passengers, invite them along for the ride continue driving the bus in the direction you want to go. In the end, the unpleasant passengers can be pretty annoying when they come to the front of the bus, but they don’t know how to drive, so they never take the wheel.

 Which would you choose?”

You can check out Joe’s website at :

 Mindfulness-Based Tools for Valued Living

How to Build a Killer Investor’s Network

Missed Our Last Workshop?

A Sneak Peek At What Happened…

Networking is one of the keys to success in the real estate industry. But it’s a struggle for so many of us!

Networking can be a struggle because we don’t have a good understanding of the science of effective networking building. We go to random events, wasting time and effort and often enduring social awkwardness because we don’t know how to network effectively.

Without giving away everything that happened at the workshop (including networking), here are a few do’s and don’ts:

– Do attend activities that allow you to have regular contact with people (recurring meet-ups, BNI breakfasts, etc). Networking is more like farming than hunting. You’re building a network, so the more you see the people in your network, the more you’ll be top-of-mind, and the deeper your relationships will become.

– Do attend events with an objective in mind. Who do you want to talk to? How many people would you like to connect to? Who do you want to meet? Otherwise, it’s too easy to spend the evening talking to the same 3 people.

– Do think of other people. When you meet someone new, keep in mind how you can be of use. Ask yourself: how can I add value for this person? Who can I connect them with? How can we help each other? This prevents you from being in sales-pitch mode.

– Do attend smaller, focused events. It’s better to be in a room with ten useful connections, than in a room with one hundred tourists.

– Don’t be afraid to ask potential mentors or peers for a 15-minute Skype call, a lunch or coffee with the phrase: “I admire what you’ve done. Would you have a few minutes to tell me how you did it?” You’ll be surprised how far a little flattery will get you!

– Don’t assume that once you’ve made a connection it will “stay warm”. There is a science to maintaining your network with scheduled phone calls, newsletters, emails and so on. There are some great podcasts on this topic. Schedule time to maintain your network so you remain top of mind.

– Don’t be afraid to use social media. LinkedIn and Facebook are obvious ways of connecting with people, whether peers, clients or potential mentors. There is also a new Tinder-like app called Shapr that will connect you with people who have similar interests and want to grow their network.

In Real Estate and in life, your social capital (or network) has a direct impact on your financial outcomes. Whatever the current state of your personal- and professional networks, there is always room to improve.

 Did I leave anything out? Got any favourite networking tips or techniques? 

Leave your comments below.

Looking to grow your network? Hope to see you at our next networking event!

Property Management Workshop : What to Do About Problem Tenants

Wednesday, Mar 14, 2018, 6:00 PM

Centre d’affaires Communoloft HOMA
3965, rue Sainte-Catherine Est Montréal, QC

8 Investisseurs en devenir Went

The most popular question my clients ask me is: “What can I do if I have problems with my tenants?” BEFORE you sign your leases for 2018, don’t miss this workshop. We share property-manager’s secrets for how to avoid renting to problem-tenants.

Check out this Meetup →

Dan Millman’s E-Course : Master the Path of the Peaceful Warrior

The writer of Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman, brings us an e-course that helps gradually assimilate his teachings…

Last week I signed up for Dan Millman’s e-course on mastering the path of the peaceful warrior. I didn’t actually even really know that such courses existed. The concept is that once per week you receive a lesson – complete with integrated video. Each lesson focuses on one theme that will help you understand and then master the warrior’s way of life.

Being pretty familiar with Dan’s ideas, it’s a bit hard for me to rate the content of this course objectively. At this point, the course is offering me a great refresher of his material. That being said, I’ve always found Dan’s writing style to the point, clear and practicable.
I’d recommend the course.
Moreover, the program is actually pretty affordable: 25$ for twelve weeks, payable by VISA or PayPal.


It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves, but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities.

The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the pricks in your life!


I picked this book up about a month ago because, as a boxing coach, I was getting sick of putting my students through the same conditioning drills at every work-out. I wanted some variety, some new exercises, and some new challenges for my athletes.

I didn’t totally expect what I got: the work-out sections were predictable but good. The exercises were described with easy-to-understand pictures. At the end of the book, Hatmaker has various work-out menus that address different muscle groups and types of strength/endurance. These were used and make the book worth the money for coaches and boxers looking to supplement existing training.

But the book’s power punch, for me, was the intro. Mark Hatmaker spends a few pages debunking some of the old myths that haunt conventional boxing gyms. In a few efficient pages, he puts the finger on some of the things that have annoyed me for years in the sport. When I was still boxing, my teammates and I used to deride the ‘communist Russian’ approach to boxing that sees many athletes ground down with boring, repetitive work-outs and over-training such as mindless road-work and sets and sets of push-ups.

I especially like the author’s take on road-work. As a boxer, I ate many, many, many miles on the tarmac. Most of these miles were at a comfortable pace. They gave me tendonitis, ate lots and lots of time, took lots and lots of energy and brought me away from the gym where I might better spend my time working on technique. Hatmaker’s philosophy on roadwork is that boxers don’t run marathons. As amateurs, boxers train for 3 x 3-minute rounds or perhaps 2 x 4 minutes. Pros fight longer bouts, with 3 x 12 is the longest championship fights.
For amateurs, super-intense 9 or 8-minute bouts require explosive power and some endurance, but nothing near the type of endurance that is built by running 5+ miles per day. For boxing, sprints, interval training, hill running, and power-building exercises are best in terms of conditioning. His message: stop wearing out your cartilage running miles and miles.

The fast-and-efficient work-out plans offered in the book, if followed, will help save time that can be applied to learning the actual art of boxing. The sprint-and-lift-heavy philosophy also gives a new perspective on the fact that many coaches continue to prescribe rounds and rounds of monotonous and even-paced banging away at heavy bags. Your athletes won’t do marathons of hitting punching bags either. Hatmaker’s book begs the question: why train boxers as if the goal were an epic 40-minute even-paced bout with the bag? He presents his reader with alternatives.

I would recommend this book to coaches and boxers looking to develop new training habits. I would highly, highly recommend it for many practitioners who have been in the sport for a while. In the era of Crossfit, its high time for the debunking of some of the Rocky-era ghosts that continue to haunt boxing!

THE EFFORT EFFECT | From Arno Illgner's Warrior' Way Site)

THE EFFORT EFFECT | From Arno Illgner’s Warrior’ Way Site)

From an article about Carol Dweck (THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE LINK HERE—Summary reprinted from Arno Illgner’s Warrior’ Way Site)

Researcher Carol Dweck’s study asked the following question:
“What makes a really capable child give up in the face of failure, where other children may be motivated by the failure?”
She studied results of a British soccer team to see why the most talented players at the start of the season tended to show the least improvement.

  • The difference seemed to be in the mindset of the person: fixed-mindset and growth-mindset.
  • Fixed-mindset people who attributed their failures to lack of ability would become discouraged even in areas where they were capable. Growth-mindset people thought they simply hadn’t tried hard enough and would be fueled by setbacks. Students referred to their errors as insufficient effort. Those children learned to persist in the face of failure—and to succeed. The fixed-mindset showed no improvement at all, continuing to fall apart quickly and to recover slowly.
  • Common sense suggests that ability inspires self-confidence. And it does for a while—so long as the going is easy. But setbacks change everything. the difference lay in the kids’ goals. “The mastery-oriented children are really hell-bent on learning something,” and “learning goals” inspire a different chain of thoughts and behaviours than “performance goals.”
  • For performance-oriented students (fixed-mindset): want to look smart even if it means not learning a thing in the process. For them, each task is a challenge to their self-image, and each setback becomes a personal threat.
  • Students with learning goals (growth-mindset), on the other hand, take necessary risks and don’t worry about failure because each mistake becomes a chance to learn.
  • How we label things: if some students want to show off their ability, while others want to increase their ability, “ability” means different things to the two groups. “If you want to demonstrate something over and over, it feels like something static that lives inside of you—whereas if you want to increase your ability, it feels dynamic and malleable.
  • People with performance goals, think intelligence is fixed from birth. People with learning goals have a growth mindset about intelligence, believing it can be developed.

You pick which attitude you think is best 🙂 !



“When running up a mountain you can give up a thousand times. Just make sure your feet keep moving.”
– Japanese Master

Someone asked me not long ago about how to stay motivated after making a big, prolonged effort. The person had just lost a lot of weight and wanted advice on how to continue making progress.

There are a number of keys to maintaining motivation. 

1) Recognize your achievements.

We have a tendency to very quickly take our accomplishments for granted. After working hard and reaching an important milestone, it’s essential to take a minute to appreciate what you’ve done. Drink a glass of wine, stare out the window, and remember all the dreaming and effort that went into getting where you are.
Now’s the time to thank yourself for all the hard work you’ve done.

2) Be kind to yourself.

Sometimes, when we’ve given a whole lot of effort on something, we get a bit fatigued from changing our lives. Recently, I competed (and lost) in the French national kick-boxing championships. I worked so hard to get there, that for two weeks after the event I had trouble getting out of bed. After training twice a day and watching what I ate like a hawk, I ended up not being able to motivate myself for a jog and sitting eating chips and cookies in front of the television.

“What?” I said to myself. “How do you go from turning your body into a performance machine to behaving like a couch-potato?”

The answer is that it takes giant willpower and concentration to change your patterns or go after what you want. If you start to feel tired from the effort, it might be time to let up a bit and consolidate.
Don’t backslide, but tell yourself it’s ok if progress slows for a bit.
Even warriors have to rest.

3) Re-focus.

Rather than getting really worked up about the loss of motivation, take a bit of time to re-focus. What are your goals now that you’ve attained a certain point? Define your new objectives precisely. If you could have your life just the way you want it, what would that look like?

Write down what you want. The first step to attaining your goals and staying motivated is objectives so well-developed you can TASTE them. You have to really SEE what it is you’re working for. Motivation, in this case, comes by itself.

You might also want to check out Chris Pinckley’s book “Reality Creation 101”. This American personal trainer has great advice on how to create the future you want through visualization and manifestation.

Re-energized and re-focused, these three steps should put you back in the zone of pursuing your objectives.

Psychological Fears Revisited

Psychological Fears Revisited

We discussed types of fears in previous lessons. Let us revisit them now to see how they diminish our power and what we can do to minimize them. There are two types of fears: psychological and physiological. We will revisit psychological fears in this lesson.

Psychological fears originate from our egos. We may experience fear of failure or success. Our egos feel diminished when we fail and don’t perform to others expectations. We fear to succeed because we feel others will expect us to continue to perform at that new level.

Recall that warriors define “power” as the ability to keep attention at the moment. Fearing failure or success focuses our attention on the end result, which we cannot control. If we fail, we fear how others will judge us; if we succeed, we fear we won’t be able to continue to succeed at that level. Our attention is distracted onto how that end result will impact us.

We need to notice when this occurs and redirect attention to climbing. Climbing is very simple: we need to go from the bottom to the top of a cliff or mountain, taking the reasonable risk along the way. We will stop at stances to think through the next section then we will commit to climbing through that section. Then, repeat. If we notice our attention shift to thoughts of failure or success, simply redirect attention to this process. With our attention focused on this process, psychological fears diminish, and we retain our power to act.
Check out Arno’s blog at www.warriorsway.com